There is a version of hospitality that lives in the most idealistic corners of our minds. There’s a warm pot of soup simmering on the stove. A lovely scented candle burning. Fresh flowers on the table. You are wearing a beautiful flowing dress. You are relaxed and radiant and smiling. Ready to welcome your guests with warmth and poise – And then there is reality.

The kitchen is a mess. The trash has to be taken out. You are rushing home from work. All you want to do is go home, put sweatpants on, eat ramen noodles, and not talk to anyone. But… you have guests coming over.

The idealist version of hospitality is beautiful and well sought after, but it is much more likely that you will experience the realistic version more often.

It is incredibly important to practice hospitality. Especially when you don’t feel like it.

Hospitality is not a mood or a feeling that you act on when it comes about. Scripture does not say “Be hospitable when it’s convenient to you”. It says: “Show hospitality to one another without grumbling” – 1 Peter 4:9.

Without grumbling. This phrasing lovingly exposes a harsh reality. We so often fall short and harbor foul and grumbling attitudes when we are inconvenienced. Sometimes, we open the door but our hearts are complaining and begrudging. We calculate how much of our time will be taken. When they will leave. We think about all the things we would rather be doing. We think about the amount of cleaning up that will have to happen once they leave. We inhibit ourselves from being fully present in the moment because we are so consumed with irritation and apprehension.

Biblical hospitality is not about being naturally extroverted or effortlessly domestic. It is solely about obedience. It is worship. It is love put into action. And “there is no greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for their friend”. When we die to ourselves and welcome others when we don’t feel like it, God is honored. The other person experiences a fraction of the sacrificial love that we first received from Christ. I am naturally an introvert and often find social interactions extremely uncomfortable and difficult. However, I am not absolved of the duty to my neighbor. To welcome. To love.

Jesus welcomed when he was tired. One of the most comforting truths that I have found in my walk with the Lord, is that the Creator of the universe understands and has felt the feelings that I have felt. He has felt exhausted, fatigued, and rundown. Yet, still He stops. In John 4, Jesus is described as being “wearied from His journey”, but still He stops at the well and engages the Samaritan woman in a life-changing conversation. Not only life-changing for her, but for everyone that she encountered afterwards. He welcomed the interruption. He welcomed the need. And because of this, a number of people encountered and experienced the Living Water that sustains beyond our material need. Hospitality is not about entertaining. It is about welcoming people in the way that Christ welcomes us.

Hospitality so often exposes our idols and our pride. In the times when I reject the call to be hospitable, I can see the following things: I want comfort – I want control – I don’t want to be inconvenienced. At its core, it is selfishness bucking up against my call to lay down selfish ambition and comforts for the good of others.

Scripture calls us to something deeper. Something holier. “Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.” – Romans 12:13

Notice how it says SEEK. This means we must be diligent in looking for, finding, and pursuing opportunities to welcome. Sometimes the resistance that we feel has less to do with exhaustion and more about surrender.

Hospitality does not have to be impressive. Take comfort in the freedom of this! Hospitality is not a performance. It is a willing heart, a simple meal, a place set at the table, listening ears. It is a present and practiced obedience.

Now, there are times and seasons when you truly have nothing left to give. When your body, mind, and spirit need rest and respite. Jesus would often withdraw to pray and seek the presence of God in solitude. Healthy boundaries are biblical. This is not a command to spread yourself too thin, burn yourself out, or pour from an empty cup. It is about asking the Lord, “Where is this resistance coming from? Is it coming from a place of wisdom, or selfishness?” Sometimes the answer is – cancel and rest. Sometimes the answer is – light the candle anyways. Both can honor God – if they are led by Him.

Hospitality is a holy and sacred place to dwell with and serve the Lord. When you cook an extra portion, set an extra place at your table, wash extra dishes, sit longer than you had planned, pray with someone in need. You are showing the love of Christ. The gospel is inherently hospitable – We were strangers, and He brought us near. We were outsiders, and He made us family. We were wandering without a home, and He goes to prepare a place for us.

This is not about how you feel. This is about Who you belong to.